And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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