She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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