The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
