sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
