i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
