dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
