your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
