Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
