idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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