my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize