Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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