is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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