As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize