I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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