so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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