He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
