She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ttyl tear gas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
