normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
