We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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