New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ketchup is God's man juice
is wine microwaveable?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
