drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
