my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
