i permit you to call me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
