Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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