oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
