Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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