Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
