on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
