so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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