So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
