i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
