Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I want is dick and wine.
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