Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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