I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
