I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
