Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
