whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
