Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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