We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
