I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
