I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
