I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
