i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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