I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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