Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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