The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
