I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
