Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
