and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have fence marks all over my body
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
