i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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