so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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