if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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