guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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