So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
