I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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