i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
