drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
