booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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