I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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