Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
