I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
