i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
