dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
