I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
