so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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