Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
