Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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