she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
