I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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