Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
