I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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