I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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