I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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