Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
