i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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