Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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