If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize