I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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