when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
